Failure

I am realizing that I am about to start a lot of work for the summer that I am dreading. Most of the work that is actually paying the bills is work I do not want to do. I am rarely in this position; I have traditionally made conscious decisions to make money doing what I love to do - and being a relatively happy human being as a result.

I chose to take on "safe" work out of perceived financial need. Now I'm wondering if I let fear make that choice for me. Oh, this sucks.

This is where the artist vs. parent part of the equations starts to fuck with me: The artist would throw all caution to the wind and just make the work that swirls in my mind, eats at my sleep, and keeps me from my darkest self. The parent part refuses not to KNOW how the roof will stay over her head and HOW she will eat.

Sometimes the two aspects of my reasoning need to fight it out.

This is one of those times.

I know I have to suck it up and do the work, regardless of my likes or dislikes. The best way I can help myself here is to keep the art present, even if there is precious little time.

Things that are keeping me going:
- "Other Life" is shaping up beautifully, thanks to Emily Gallagher's skill.
- Contradiction Dance @ Echo Park is coming along magnificently.

Conflicted. On many levels, personal & professional. ARRRGH.

Photo copyright Enoch Chan