For Ed...

My mentor, teacher, choreographer, and (most of all) friend Ed Tyler ended his battle with bipolar on this day one year ago. I spent much of today insanely busy, perhaps in defense of the looming sadness in the back of my mind and in that spot between my shoulders.

Ed made me laugh deep and hard with wild abandon. I miss laughing with him. I miss his unique outlook on life. I miss his art. I miss his hugs. I miss so many moments that will not happen again. They have passed with him. I could not mourn with the group that met today to remember. I was in a rehearsal; and, somehow that was appropriate. Ed always pushed me to make art and to live my life within it. I have cried many times this day; something I rarely do. I feel a sense of acceptance I didn't allow last year. Now, I suppose I am able to truly and genuinely miss my dear friend.

Ed taught me so many things about art, dance, teaching, and myself. The lesson I carry with me daily is how it FELT to be loved unconditionally. He loved me unconditionally, and in the moment I was in; it's the best gift I've ever received. In a world where people have many expectations of who I was, am or will be; Ed loved me without reservation in every moment we shared. I do my absolute best to pass that gift forward. I can do so simply because I KNOW how wonderful it feels to be loved that way. Thank you, Ed Tyler.

Poetry on a Bar-Nap at Kramer's w/ Shallom:

Commitment to Breathing

Presenting itself in many forms,
The greatest temptation is silence.
To not say the words pouring out of my soul.
Not make the dance unfolding in my head.
Not teach what I know.
Not tell you how I feel.
Not hold you close to my soul the way I do.
Not even to breathe.
Exhale.